Feeling Lost in College?
Why "Figuring It All Out" Is a Myth (And How to Manage the Anxiety)
If you’re in college right now, chances are you’ve felt the weight of a single, recurring question: “What’s your plan after graduation?”
Maybe it comes from well-meaning relatives you see a few times a year, from classmates who seem to have their entire lives mapped out, or from that voice in your own head at 2 AM when you’re trying to sleep. Wherever it comes from, this question implies an unspoken assumption: that by now, you should have a clear path, a defined identity, and certainty about your future career plans. For many students, this pressure contributes directly to college anxiety, self-doubt, and a sense of feeling lost.
Here is something you may logically know but is hard to sink in deeper down: The idea that you’re supposed to have it all figured out is a myth. And it isn’t a harmless myth. For many students, this belief fuels chronic stress and paralysis rather than motivation. With over 75% of college students reporting moderate to high stress levels, it’s time to look at why this “mapped out” expectation doesn’t reflect how human development actually works.
Let’s unpack the issues with the idea itself, and consider what you can focus on instead.
The Illusion of the Finish Line
We’ve been conditioned from a young age to see life as a series of boxes to check: Graduate high school; Get into college; Pick a major; Land an internship; Secure a job offer that will be your forever career! Each milestone is supposed to bring you closer to that magical moment when you’ll have your career (and your life) figured out.
College often intensifies this pressure. Everywhere you turn, someone’s asking: “What’s your major?” “What are you doing after graduation?” “Where do you see yourself in five years?” These questions can make natural uncertainty feel like a personal failure.
What these expectations miss is a basic truth: Life doesn’t unfold in neat stages with clear endpoints. Even the people who appear most confident are often questioning, pivoting, and reassessing. Believing there is a “finish line” you’re supposed to reach creates unnecessary anxiety when, in reality, you are doing something very normal: you are growing.
Why Feeling Lost in College is Normal
Here’s something that may be relieving to hear: you’re not supposed to have yourself figured out right now in some static, defined way because change is a fundamental part of being human.
The person you are at 20 will not be the same person you are at 25, 30, or 40. Your interests evolve and your values may shift as you gain new experiences and insights into who you are and what you want. Research consistently shows that personality itself continues to change throughout adulthood in response to new environments. Each chapter of life is an invitation for deeper self-discovery.
4 Ways to Navigate College Anxiety and Uncertainty
Rather than trying to map out your entire future, focus on building internal skills that help you navigate uncertainty. These are skills that will stay with you no matter where life takes you.
1.Prioritize self-awareness over self-certainty. Instead of trying to definitively answer “Who am I?” once and for all, focus on relating to yourself now:
- What energizes me right now?
- What drains me?
- What feels aligned with my values?
Developing curiosity about your inner world helps you make decisions that feel grounded and true to you rather than forced by external expectations.
2.Build adaptability and resilience. As challenging as it can feel, discomfort often signals growth. It’s also a natural part of the college experience. People who thrive aren’t those who avoid uncertainty; they’re the ones who learn how to tolerate it, reflect on it, and adapt. They not only learn from but grow from setbacks. This is different than forcing yourself to stick with something that’s genuinely wrong for you. Rather, it’s about tuning into what the discomfort could be teaching you about yourself and what you need.
3.Focus on values, not rigid goals. Instead of fixed goals (like “make six figures by 25”), identify the values that matter most to you—such as creativity, service, autonomy, or community. Values provide a flexible compass. When faced with a choice, ask: “Does this align with what matters to me?” rather than “Is this what I’m supposed to do?” Getting clear on our values can often help us inform and forge a path ahead.
4.Be curious and experiment. Exploration is how self-understanding develops. Give yourself permission to try things and discover they aren’t what you expected without interpreting it as a failure. Every experience, even the ones that don’t work out in the literal sense, provides useful information for your next step.
The Value of Embracing Uncertainty
When you stop trying to force certainty, many students experience a noticeable sense of relief. You can begin to:
- Separate your self-worth from having a polished career plan. You start measuring success by how you’re growing, learning, and showing up.
- Trust your capacity to handle uncertainty as it arises. You develop confidence, flexibility and resilience that comes from knowing you can handle whatever comes your way
- Make decisions based on who you are now, rather than who you think you should be or will be in some distant future.
Final Thoughts
You’re not behind because you don’t have a ten-year plan. You’re not failing because you’ve changed your major or feel unsure about what comes next. You’re in motion like everyone else, at every stage of life.
When someone asks what you’re doing after graduation and you don’t have a polished answer, that’s okay. When your interests shift or your plans change, that’s normal. And when it feels like everyone else has it together, remember: other people are also figuring things out, even if it doesn’t show.
“Figuring it out” isn’t a destination anyone actually reaches. Life is a continual process of evolving. The sooner we stop fighting that reality, the more space we create to engage with our lives as they are with curiosity, flexibility, and self-compassion.
Support for college students
If the pressure to have your life mapped out has turned into overwhelming anxiety or paralysis, you don’t have to navigate it alone. The therapists at Sōhum specialize in helping students find their footing during life’s biggest transitions.
Sources:
Wu, F., Freeman, G., Wang, S., & Flores, I. (2024). The Future of College Student Mental Health: Student Perspectives. Journal of College Student Mental Health, 38(4), 975–1010. https://doi.org/10.1080/28367138.2024.2400612
Olivia Jessar, LMSW (SHE/HER)
Olivia Jessar helps clients heal from relational challenges, family patterns, and identity concerns. Using psychodynamic and person-centered approaches, she offers a warm, inclusive environment for self-exploration and stronger relationships. Olivia specializes in working with college students and young professionals, guiding them toward internal clarity and self-trust.
