No one I know has passed away, but could I still be grieving a different loss?  Maybe one of a friendship, a dream, or a part of myself?

We typically associate grief with death of a loved one but there are many reasons people grieve.  And grieving process rarely follows a straight line; it often doesn’t resemble what we were taught growing up. While grief can show up as deep sadness, it may also live in the body as heaviness, tension, or fatigue. It can present as disconnection from yourself or from the world around you. It might look like irritability or anger, intense longing, or a looping mind filled with “what ifs” and “if onlys.” Grief takes many forms. 

For a long time, grief was understood primarily as a response to death. But as our understanding of the brain, trauma, and attachment has evolved, so has our definition of grief. We now recognize that grief can arise whenever something meaningful changes or ends – whether that be relationships, identities, health, stability, dreams, or versions of ourselves we once knew.

Types of Grief 

Complicated or Unresolved Grief This type of grief can feel prolonged, overwhelming, or difficult to integrate over time. It may show up when a loss hasn’t been fully processed, supported, or acknowledged. Some people experience feeling emotionally “stuck,” while others notice grief resurfacing years later as anxiety, depression, or emotional reactions that don’t seem immediately connected to a specific loss. This kind of grief may reflect a lack of space, safety, or support at the time the loss occurred.

Anticipatory Grief  Anticipatory grief refers to grief that arises before a loss occurs. This may occur during a loved one’s declining health, the anticipated end of a relationship, or sensing a major life transition ahead. It reflects the mind and body beginning to prepare for change.  

Disenfranchised Grief  This type of grief occurs when a loss is not socially recognized or supported. Examples include the end of a friendship, infertility, the death of a pet, leaving a community, or losing a part of one’s identity. When grief isn’t validated by others, it can feel especially isolating and heavy.

The Five Stages of Grief 

You may have heard of the five stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. This framework was originally introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross to describe common emotional responses people may have when facing serious illness and the possibility of death. Over time, it became widely used to talk about grief more broadly.  But it’s important it was never meant to be a universal, step-by-step model for how everyone grieves.  

Some people recognize themselves in parts of these stages; others don’t. You might move through them in a different order, return to certain stages repeatedly, experience several at once, or skip stages entirely. Not experiencing a “stage” doesn’t mean you’re grieving incorrectly. Grief is personal, shaped by your relationship to the loss, your history, your support system, and what the loss represents.

Denial

Denial isn’t about refusing reality; it’s the mind’s way of protecting us from becoming overwhelmed too quickly. It may show up as numbness, shock, or moving through daily life on autopilot. Denial gives us breathing room as we begin to process what has changed.

Anger

Anger is a natural response to loss. It may be directed inward or outward. Beneath anger is often pain. Anger can provide energy or movement when we feel powerless or deeply hurt.

Bargaining

Bargaining reflects the mind’s attempt to regain control or make sense of the loss. It often sounds like, “If only I had…” or “Maybe if I do this, things will feel okay again.” This stage can bring guilt or lingering questions, highlighting both our longing and our desire for safety.

Depression

This stage holds the deep sadness that accompanies grief. It may involve withdrawal, fatigue, numbness, or difficulty experiencing pleasure. This sadness is a natural response to integrating the reality of what’s been lost.

Acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean being “okay” with the loss. Rather, it involves acknowledging that the loss has occurred and finding ways to move forward while still carrying its meaning. Acceptance often unfolds gradually and can coexist with moments of sadness or anger.