Third Culture Kids: Reframing What It Means To Belong
“Where are you really from?” – Is that a question you get no matter where in the world you find yourself? Third Culture Kids (TCKs), or children who have grown up outside of their place of birth or the country where their parents are from, can experience some confusing emotions around belonging and identity. “Where are you from?” or “Where is home?” – seemingly simple questions – can be impossible to answer without an intricate long-winded response.
Forming a distinct sense of self can be challenging for TCKs due to everchanging circumstances and people in their lives. They become experts at adapting and adjusting, and this quality of learning can continue into adulthood, creating complexities around identity formation. Oftentimes the confusion comes from social interactions that require these individuals to explain themselves to people who just don’t seem to get it.
There are several ways to reframe this narrative, not only to better understand the nuances of how this unique life experience can mould identity, but also to ultimately feel closer to oneself.
Reframing Acculturation
The concept of acculturation was originally thought of to be one-dimensional: if an individual accepted their receiving culture, that must mean they reject their heritage culture and vice versa. The reality is not as black and white. Berry’s Model of Acculturation suggests a multifaceted and realistic approach that reflects a more optimistic outlook on how individuals can fit in and perceive their circumstances.
Integration is a strategy that many TCKs adopt; it occurs when individuals adopt the cultural norms of the host culture while maintaining their culture of origin. This skill that has highly favourable psychological outcomes is very common in TCKs; the good news is, it is a skill that can be honed and used in everyday life to create enriching and distinctive experiences.
Reframing Belonging
It is possible to think of belonging as a feeling of oneself that comes from the union of various cultures versus being tethered to a specific place. Relabeling the idea from belonging nowhere to understanding that in fact that could mean belonging everywhere is a powerful mental pivot that allows one to lean into the ways that feel inclusive in daily life. Furthermore, there is freedom and security in knowing that home is not a static place, but a fluid feeling that can be taken anywhere. That “anywhere” can include crossing borders, but more importantly, it can be a safe accessible experience kept close in moments of insecurity, fear and overwhelm.
Reframing Identity: Final Thoughts
Third Culture Kids can have a challenging time navigating their sense of self. That is because a lot of the conversation around early identity is based on being grounded within a physical and cultural backdrop. Identity and self-esteem are highly related and crucial for good mental health – and self-esteem can be gained with a focus on personal achievements, traits and values. TCKs have a unique ability to self-define and cultivate the personality they want from the many influences they have been exposed to – from how to socialise, to how to relate to authority, to different ways to show love, to countless other pieces that make up a person.
Culture directly impacts how our personalities develop. According to Dr. Edward Hall’s cultural iceberg metaphor, culture has two components: external (or surface culture) and internal (or deep culture). Only about 10% of culture is easily visible, most of it is hidden below the surface and is made from nuanced experiences – which TCKs happen to have an endless supply of.
It is possible to reframe certain expat and third culture narratives by cultivating a powerful understanding of what it really means to be a product of this experience. If you’re curious about how this upbringing has contributed to certain facets of your personality, you may consider working with a licensed therapist. This uncovering is a valuable tool that can bring freedom and contentment with this seemingly chaotic life experience.
Sohni Patel, LMSW
I’m Sohni Patel, an associate therapist at Sōhum Therapy. I help people feeling torn between cultures, societal pressures, and personal boundaries. If you’re struggling with grief, balancing expectations, or finding your own path, I’m here to help. Together, we’ll explore past patterns, build self-awareness, and work toward a more fulfilling, authentic life.
