When Slowing Down Feels Hard: How to Make Space for Rest in a Productivity-Driven World
Are you addicted to to-do lists, productivity, and daily achievements? Let’s be honest – that pretty much sums up the stereotype of a New York City professional. You end your formal workday, head to the gym, check your phone on the way there and back, grab a quick dinner (maybe while watching TV), continue scrolling, and then go to bed – only to wake up and do it all over again.
For many of us, this rhythm becomes so ingrained that when we actually try to slow down or disconnect from external demands, it feels almost impossible. We may feel anxious, restless, or notice a constant urge to pick up our phone, turn on the TV, or seek some form of stimulation or self-soothing.
Even if we recognize this cycle isn’t sustainable, there’s often something that keeps pulling us back toward the grind. Why is it so hard to slow down and what can we do to change that?
Why Rest Feels Hard When You’re Always Busy
There’s no single reason why rest feels difficult. It varies by person and situation.. But there are common patterns, both internal and external, that can contribute to this experience:
- You’ve become conditioned to constant stimulation.
If your nervous system is used to staying in motion – always “on” and doing – slowing down can feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable. It takes time and intentional practice to bring the parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” system) back online. Your body needs to learn that it’s safe to pause, and that you have the right to physical, mental, and emotional restoration. - Productivity feels tied to your sense of self-worth or identity.
For many, career and achievement are closely woven into personal identity. Slowing down can feel like a threat to that identity. Even if part of you values rest, it can feel risky to step away from the drive to keep accomplishing. - Unstructured time brings up anxiety or uncomfortable emotions.
Stopping movement often brings up things we’ve avoided – thoughts, feelings, or experiences drowned out by constant doing. While staying busy might offer temporary relief, it can also keep us stuck in a cycle of exhaustion and avoidance. - Downtime evokes feelings of guilt.
Maybe you learned at an early age (or a later one) that rest is something to “earn,” only allowed once all work or tasks are completed. Or perhaps you developed your own unrealistic expectations, holding yourself to a pace no one else asked of you. Either way, guilt around rest is a common and deeply ingrained pattern. - Our culture rewards hustle and staying busy.
Even as counter-movements push back against burnout culture, there’s still a pervasive belief that being constantly productive is ideal. It can feel satisfying in the short term to check off every box, but this mindset often makes true rest feel counterintuitive or undeserved.
Signs You Might Need to Slow Down
Here are some gauges to help you notice if you may be overworking yourself and are in need of more rest. Rest doesn’t necessarily mean more sleep – it’s about purposefully slowing down and restoring your body, mind, and internal rhythms.
- You notice low-level anxiety or restlessness throughout the day.
- You feel constantly tired, even after a full night’s sleep.
- You have trouble sitting still without reaching for your phone or another distraction.
- You feel irritable or easily overwhelmed by small things.
- You rely on caffeine, screens, or multitasking to push through the day.
- You feel guilty or uncomfortable during downtime.
- Your relationships feel strained because you’re always preoccupied or unavailable.
Most of these signs are tangible and easy to spot with some self-awareness. But what I often notice in clients who most need rest is that it’s the very last thing they want to do. The idea of slowing down feels like a hard “no.”
If that resonates with you, see if you can get curious about it. Rather than trying to change that hyper-productive part of yourself, try getting to know it. We resist things for good reason(s), even when we know they might help. Sometimes, acknowledging and working with that resistance can eventually open the door to new possibilities. I see it happen in my practice all the time.
If any of these feel familiar, the question becomes: how do you create space for rest in a way that feels possible and supportive?
5 practical ways to slow down and create space for rest and connection
If you’re wanting more time for rest, here are a few ideas to help you get started.
- Schedule white space on your calendar
Block out intentional time as an appointment with yourself – no tasks or to-do lists. Leave a weekend – or even just a weekend afternoon – completely open. If holding yourself accountable feels tough, ask a friend to join you for something like a device-free walk. We’re often more likely to follow through when someone else is involved. - Practice doing one thing at a time
We are a culture of multi-taskers. Give yourself permission to focus on just one task or experience at a time. If you’re having breakfast, just eat your breakfast. Actually taste the food and tune into your senses. Write your to-do list but tackle one item at a time. Slow down the frantic energy of multi-tasking. See what shifts when you connect to simplicity and singularity. - Introduce phone-free moments
Set small windows each day to step away from your phone. This may seem obvious, but it can be really impactful. You might be surprised how often you instinctively reach for it when it’s not there.
- Explore restorative practices
Rest doesn’t always mean doing nothing. Breathwork, meditation, gentle stretching, or simply sitting quietly with music can all be ways to intentionally slow down. There are apps for almost everything (ideally with your phone on Do Not Disturb), and if it’s available to you, NYC offers classes for just about every kind of restorative practice.
- Pay attention to transitions
Build in a minute or two between activities rather than jumping straight from one thing to the next. These small pauses help regulate your pace and your nervous system. One of the simplest ways to practice this – and one that is always available to you – is to notice the pause between your inhale and exhale.
A quick note: Behavioral changes matter but so does the intention behind them. Keep coming back to why you want this space for yourself. What do you hope it will offer you? How might it make your life feel different or better? Having that clarity in mind can help keep you motivated when things inevitably get busy.
Make any changes bite-sized and approachable. Aim for point B not point Z. If we aim for some perfected version of rest, it might just be another sneaky form of productivity in disguise. Expect that life won’t always allow for an ideal schedule, and see if you can still make small, steady shifts
Building in moments of rest takes practice and intention, especially if it doesn’t come naturally. And as these steps, you might notice resistance. Let’s talk about what to do when rest feels uncomfortable or out of reach.
When Slowing Down Feels Uncomfortable: What to Keep in Mind
Even with the best intentions, slowing down doesn’t always feel easy. If you notice resistance or discomfort, here are some things to consider:
- Expect Some Discomfort
Rest can feel unfamiliar, especially if you’re used to constant activity. Acknowledge the discomfort and see if you can allow it as part of the process.
- Notice and Name What Comes Up
Pay attention to what shows up when you pause: anxiety, guilt, boredom and so on. Naming these feelings can paradoxically help loosen their hold. - Be Curious
Instead of judging yourself for struggling to rest, get curious. What story or belief might be driving the discomfort? (e.g., “If I slow down, I’m falling behind.”) - Start Small, Stay Consistent
Small, consistent changes often lead to the biggest shifts. Take one phone-free walk, one quiet meal, and one unscheduled afternoon at a time. - Seek Support
If the idea of slowing down feels overwhelming, or if you find yourself struggling with intrusive thoughts and feelings when you’re not distracted, it may be a sign that you need additional support. This could mean reaching out to a trusted friend or family member, or it might be the right moment to consider therapy. A licensed therapist can help you navigate challenging thoughts, emotions, and experiences in a safe, collaborative space.
When we don’t feel safe in our own bodies, rest doesn’t just feel challenging, it can feel threatening. At Sōhum, our therapists are here to help you work with different parts of yourself, your history, and your present-day experiences so that rest, balance, and fulfillment can become a real part of your life.
Wherever you are on your journey, here’s to finding a pace that feels both nourishing and sustainable – one (quiet) moment at a time.
Christine Menna
Christine specializes in working with motivated clients who feel disconnected from themselves, desire more fulfilling relationships, and seek to live their most authentic and value-driven lives. Christine takes a compassionate and direct approach that focuses on clients’ goals. She incorporates mindfulness-based techniques and somatic exercises to deepen the therapeutic experience and help clients achieve their desired results.
